Jazz Dance

Well, I've done something I never expected... I joined a jazz dance class.  For someone with no rhythm or grace this is a huge step.  Sure, when I was 3yrs old I took ballet, and somewhere in my 20's I participated in a solo salsa class with coworkers, but this, this is different.  Salsa I understood, besides tripping over myself or forgetting the steps, my body knew how to make the moves.  Even street dance or hip-hop would be understandable for me, I like rap, and since my teenage years I've found myself trying to copy the videos (I should be ashamed but I'm not).  But jazz dance, border line modern dance, what the hell have I done!  A small speck of a conversation has spiraled out of control and now four moms have signed up for the 30yr + dance class.  Fitness wise, moving around for 45 minutes is great.  Social wise, meeting these moms from my daughters new school only makes integrating into the school easier.  But confidence wise, wow, what a blow!  Flat out, I am really bad at jazz dance.  I'm used to exercise classes, water aerobics or pilates, but this is way out of my comfort zone.  Someone has to be the worst in the class, I guess.  My body build doesn't agree with the moves, and my lack of gracefulness is startling obvious.  When my friend said, oh it's 30 +, I guess I didn't take the class serious.  Turns out all of the women in their 40-50's have been dancing for over 20 yrs and all of us newbies in our 30's have 0 experience, and they're putting us to shame.  As I performed the chasse or jazz walk, I felt more like an elephant charging through the room.  I am a confident woman, but this is really bothering me.  I know it will make me stronger in the end, blah-blah-blah.  It also doesn't help that the other moms just seem to get it, the teacher even called one elegant.  Then there is me.  You hear all of these talks about body image, that a lot of women don't truly see themselves as they are...and well, I'm going through this.  Looking in the mirror during class I feel twice the size of everyone else, and my bulky frame doesn't resemble their slim physiques at all.  I keep reminding myself we're all different, and that I've only attended class twice.  I know I shouldn't snack at night, but I do, we only have one life, and it's understandable I have some extra weight.  I keep reminding myself, these women also have their insecurities and all I can do is keep trying.  I've signed up for 6 months, and if I haven't progressed by then I'll go back to my comfort zones.  I keep telling myself new experiences are good, and that stepping out of my comfort zone will only make me a better person.  But it's not helping yet.  It also doesn't help that I am competitive, and I'm failing as of yet.  I don't usually write these kind of posts, but it's really been playing on my mind.  I'll do my best to keep you updated over the next 6 months of classes, one thing is for sure though, I AM NOT A QUITTER!