Well, I've done something I never expected... I joined a jazz dance class. For someone with no rhythm or grace this is a huge step. Sure, when I was 3yrs old I took ballet, and somewhere in my 20's I participated in a solo salsa class with coworkers, but this, this is different. Salsa I understood, besides tripping over myself or forgetting the steps, my body knew how to make the moves. Even street dance or hip-hop would be understandable for me, I like rap, and since my teenage years I've found myself trying to copy the videos (I should be ashamed but I'm not). But jazz dance, border line modern dance, what the hell have I done! A small speck of a conversation has spiraled out of control and now four moms have signed up for the 30yr + dance class. Fitness wise, moving around for 45 minutes is great. Social wise, meeting these moms from my daughters new school only makes integrating into the school easier. But confidence wise, wow, what a blow! Flat out, I am really bad at jazz dance. I'm used to exercise classes, water aerobics or pilates, but this is way out of my comfort zone. Someone has to be the worst in the class, I guess. My body build doesn't agree with the moves, and my lack of gracefulness is startling obvious. When my friend said, oh it's 30 +, I guess I didn't take the class serious. Turns out all of the women in their 40-50's have been dancing for over 20 yrs and all of us newbies in our 30's have 0 experience, and they're putting us to shame. As I performed the chasse or jazz walk, I felt more like an elephant charging through the room. I am a confident woman, but this is really bothering me. I know it will make me stronger in the end, blah-blah-blah. It also doesn't help that the other moms just seem to get it, the teacher even called one elegant. Then there is me. You hear all of these talks about body image, that a lot of women don't truly see themselves as they are...and well, I'm going through this. Looking in the mirror during class I feel twice the size of everyone else, and my bulky frame doesn't resemble their slim physiques at all. I keep reminding myself we're all different, and that I've only attended class twice. I know I shouldn't snack at night, but I do, we only have one life, and it's understandable I have some extra weight. I keep reminding myself, these women also have their insecurities and all I can do is keep trying. I've signed up for 6 months, and if I haven't progressed by then I'll go back to my comfort zones. I keep telling myself new experiences are good, and that stepping out of my comfort zone will only make me a better person. But it's not helping yet. It also doesn't help that I am competitive, and I'm failing as of yet. I don't usually write these kind of posts, but it's really been playing on my mind. I'll do my best to keep you updated over the next 6 months of classes, one thing is for sure though, I AM NOT A QUITTER!
Showing posts with label self-conscious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-conscious. Show all posts
Friday, September 13, 2013
Jazz Dance
Well, I've done something I never expected... I joined a jazz dance class. For someone with no rhythm or grace this is a huge step. Sure, when I was 3yrs old I took ballet, and somewhere in my 20's I participated in a solo salsa class with coworkers, but this, this is different. Salsa I understood, besides tripping over myself or forgetting the steps, my body knew how to make the moves. Even street dance or hip-hop would be understandable for me, I like rap, and since my teenage years I've found myself trying to copy the videos (I should be ashamed but I'm not). But jazz dance, border line modern dance, what the hell have I done! A small speck of a conversation has spiraled out of control and now four moms have signed up for the 30yr + dance class. Fitness wise, moving around for 45 minutes is great. Social wise, meeting these moms from my daughters new school only makes integrating into the school easier. But confidence wise, wow, what a blow! Flat out, I am really bad at jazz dance. I'm used to exercise classes, water aerobics or pilates, but this is way out of my comfort zone. Someone has to be the worst in the class, I guess. My body build doesn't agree with the moves, and my lack of gracefulness is startling obvious. When my friend said, oh it's 30 +, I guess I didn't take the class serious. Turns out all of the women in their 40-50's have been dancing for over 20 yrs and all of us newbies in our 30's have 0 experience, and they're putting us to shame. As I performed the chasse or jazz walk, I felt more like an elephant charging through the room. I am a confident woman, but this is really bothering me. I know it will make me stronger in the end, blah-blah-blah. It also doesn't help that the other moms just seem to get it, the teacher even called one elegant. Then there is me. You hear all of these talks about body image, that a lot of women don't truly see themselves as they are...and well, I'm going through this. Looking in the mirror during class I feel twice the size of everyone else, and my bulky frame doesn't resemble their slim physiques at all. I keep reminding myself we're all different, and that I've only attended class twice. I know I shouldn't snack at night, but I do, we only have one life, and it's understandable I have some extra weight. I keep reminding myself, these women also have their insecurities and all I can do is keep trying. I've signed up for 6 months, and if I haven't progressed by then I'll go back to my comfort zones. I keep telling myself new experiences are good, and that stepping out of my comfort zone will only make me a better person. But it's not helping yet. It also doesn't help that I am competitive, and I'm failing as of yet. I don't usually write these kind of posts, but it's really been playing on my mind. I'll do my best to keep you updated over the next 6 months of classes, one thing is for sure though, I AM NOT A QUITTER!Sunday, March 24, 2013
Crazy Clothes
Yesterday my husband wanted to do something fun for our 3yr old, and out of every option he chose to dress up in a crazy combination of clothing. At home this wouldn't have been bad but we were headed to the grocery store! I threatened many times to stay in the car, but it's important to teach your child confidence. So I just pretended he was dressed normally and mostly went about things that way. He claims it was our daughters idea, but it was completely his idea. I at least convinced her to wear a princess gown over her clothes and under her jacket so at least people thought there was a themed party or something, ha-ha!
Let's take a close look at his outfit choice... It starts out with a base layer of pajamas, t-shirt & plaid cotton pants. Then he added slick basketball shorts over the pants. Then a random volleyball sweatshirt. Followed by a corduroy dress jacket. Then he added carpenter boots and a belt. And finished the assemble off by wrapping himself in his Snuggie which he also tied behind his back and tucked into his belt.
Some people glanced and continued walking on... some people did double takes... some people actually stopped to take in the entire outfit. At least one man spoke to us normally, he must have gone with the they-were-at-a-party idea. And once we headed to the parking lot, me taking a breath of relief, we ended up helping a lady push her broken down car, what a sight! I think this is just the beginning, because my husband keeps reminiscing about the crazy clothes combinations his father used to wear when picking my sister-in-law up from social events. Maybe I should be worried for me & our tot!!!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Too Personal
Taking things too personal... it's one of my bad traits. This entire post stems from two events, each of which happened in around 30 seconds but have played on my mind for a useless amount of time! Event one - our neighborhood bulletin printed an insult about my street. Event two - my daughter's preschool teacher lent me a book to read over the school vacation. Both seemingly meaningless yet both equally bothered me (most men reading this post are already rolling their eyes by now). How did this come about... taking things too personal??? Is it because I'm too sensitive? Is it because I'm selfish and think things revolve around me? Is it from years of dealing with passive aggressive people who don't dare to be direct? Is it because I'm a woman (now the feminist are rolling their eyes)? Is it because I'm self-conscious? No matter what the reason, it happens, but it is something I'm working on. You're probably wondering how the above events led to this post. 
Event one : I've proudly lived on my street for the past 6 yrs and I take it personal when the neighborhood bulletin prints insults about it. How can I possibly feel for a street, it's ridiculous, but I do! Sure I've noticed the decline (thanks recession), but that doesn't mean we're an embarrassment. Just so you understand what happened, the bulletin wrote an article about a new shop on my street and this is what they said, "Renew Fashion lijkt een aanwinst voor de straat die toch een beetje het 'ondergeschoven' kindje van de Bergen lijkt te blijven". Basically they're saying our street is neglected, almost not worthy of belonging to the neighborhood, and that the new clothing store is a plus for us. Nice, we're not worthy of belonging to the high-brow neighborhood, "De Bergen". I take this personal, we're part of the neighborhood, yes we're on the outer rim, but that's good, we don't get the high traffic of the stores and restaurants, yet we're close by. Our street doesn't get shut down for every event, yet we can still see them from our window. I also take it personal because we're trying to sell our apartment and this isn't a great advertisement. It bugs me so much I almost want to contact the bulletin and complain... if you know me well, you know I'll write a complaint letter or email in a blink of the eye! Companies should know where they can improve (I promise I'm not a super negative person, I just notice things). I am also highly aware I could have translated it incorrectly, it wouldn't be the first time I was offended over something that I misinterpreted!
Event two : my daughter's preschool teacher lent me the following book - How To Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way. What is she saying, does she think I need some guidance raising my kid? Does she think I don't understand the Montessori system? Was she just happy to find an English book she could share with me? Does she too see how amazing my daughter is? I tried not to take it too personal. But on the walk home from the preschool I called my husband to run it by him (he's more level-headed than me and not so emotional) and he basically said I'm being crazy... something I hear often from many people! Wow, as a parent it's hard when people try and help, it's so easy to take it too personal and take it negatively when really they're just trying to share something or speaking from experience. No matter what, I'll do my best to read the book, and hopefully learn something. It never hurts to get a little advice, even if it steps on some toes.
All in all, especially after re-reading this post, I can definitely say I'm being oversensitive and taking things too personal, oh yeah, and being extremely negative. And the only true thing I can blame it on is, caring too much so I take everything to heart. It's important to me to be able to step back and analyze my opinions/views/decisions... to look at things from an outsiders point of view... and to be aware of my faults. It's how I grow, it's how I understand myself and others, and it's a tactic that has helped me through many situations. (I'll try and make the next post a bit more light-hearted!)
Event one : I've proudly lived on my street for the past 6 yrs and I take it personal when the neighborhood bulletin prints insults about it. How can I possibly feel for a street, it's ridiculous, but I do! Sure I've noticed the decline (thanks recession), but that doesn't mean we're an embarrassment. Just so you understand what happened, the bulletin wrote an article about a new shop on my street and this is what they said, "Renew Fashion lijkt een aanwinst voor de straat die toch een beetje het 'ondergeschoven' kindje van de Bergen lijkt te blijven". Basically they're saying our street is neglected, almost not worthy of belonging to the neighborhood, and that the new clothing store is a plus for us. Nice, we're not worthy of belonging to the high-brow neighborhood, "De Bergen". I take this personal, we're part of the neighborhood, yes we're on the outer rim, but that's good, we don't get the high traffic of the stores and restaurants, yet we're close by. Our street doesn't get shut down for every event, yet we can still see them from our window. I also take it personal because we're trying to sell our apartment and this isn't a great advertisement. It bugs me so much I almost want to contact the bulletin and complain... if you know me well, you know I'll write a complaint letter or email in a blink of the eye! Companies should know where they can improve (I promise I'm not a super negative person, I just notice things). I am also highly aware I could have translated it incorrectly, it wouldn't be the first time I was offended over something that I misinterpreted!
Event two : my daughter's preschool teacher lent me the following book - How To Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way. What is she saying, does she think I need some guidance raising my kid? Does she think I don't understand the Montessori system? Was she just happy to find an English book she could share with me? Does she too see how amazing my daughter is? I tried not to take it too personal. But on the walk home from the preschool I called my husband to run it by him (he's more level-headed than me and not so emotional) and he basically said I'm being crazy... something I hear often from many people! Wow, as a parent it's hard when people try and help, it's so easy to take it too personal and take it negatively when really they're just trying to share something or speaking from experience. No matter what, I'll do my best to read the book, and hopefully learn something. It never hurts to get a little advice, even if it steps on some toes.All in all, especially after re-reading this post, I can definitely say I'm being oversensitive and taking things too personal, oh yeah, and being extremely negative. And the only true thing I can blame it on is, caring too much so I take everything to heart. It's important to me to be able to step back and analyze my opinions/views/decisions... to look at things from an outsiders point of view... and to be aware of my faults. It's how I grow, it's how I understand myself and others, and it's a tactic that has helped me through many situations. (I'll try and make the next post a bit more light-hearted!)
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